I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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