you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
