p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
