your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize