It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
