Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
