There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
