i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
