Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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