Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
