we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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