yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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