i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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