Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
