I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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