What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
