SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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