ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
