i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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