she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize