oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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