in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
