3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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