Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
