the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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