it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
