Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
