just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
