and you said cock pushups were impossible
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
