If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
