Pants 0. Shit 1.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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