Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
