Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
