Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
