i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
