My sheets look like a crime scene.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
