just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I need a beard to bite.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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