Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
