You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
