bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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