he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
