did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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