Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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