During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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