The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
