i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I've blown a few things in my day
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
