So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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