Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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