What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
