So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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