Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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