yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
