he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
