totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
