I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he fucked my hip out of place.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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