I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
