I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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