Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
