You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
