Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
