you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
