Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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