I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
