just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
