Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize