In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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