I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
BRING THE BAGELS
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
