she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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