I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
