on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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