I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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