bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
