they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize