You can't special order awesome
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This is my gift to your gina
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
