Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
