Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
