: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
