I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
