Already got asked if we're dating
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i think im in europe. pls send help
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
