I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize