i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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