wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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