He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize