no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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