I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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