drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize