Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
