Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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