The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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