Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize