so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have aggressive nipples.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
