Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
