Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
