actually, I'm a sock model
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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