how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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