so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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