He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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